Just in time to celebrate the culmination of the Christian tradition of Lent, around 2000 of Bristol’s most haggard ice fanatics checked back in to Bristol this afternoon.
Having spent the best part of six weeks trudging down northern European motorway, coach drivers were spotted clambering from their vehicles famished, souls crushed after 960 hours enduring the Sloane drone of their 50 UoB passengers.
The Whip still managed to speak with equally weary second year Chemistry student Archie Ingram.
‘When I was younger I gave up chocolate for Lent but I never thought I’d actually get to give up being a functioning member of society for 40 days, isolated and alone, like Christ. It was a scary, disorientating time, reminiscent of my first few weeks at Hiatt Baker.
‘It all started when we got on the ferry at Calais. Myself and a few chums decided to have some edibles to make the remainder of the trip fly by. We took way too much, though.
‘Unfortunately, the English Channel got a taste of my rather lumpy medicine, if you know what I mean! It was all good though, ‘cos a few of the boys were pretty clever and christened it the English Chunnel.’
Ingram later mentioned that many students had in fact enjoyed the journey home. Messages seen on various second year group chats have suggested the mammoth expedition was actually ‘fucking jokes’.
‘Like, you’ve heard of Around The World in 80 days? 127 hours? The Buddha spent seven years under a fucking tree for crying out loud!
‘All I’m saying is, the travel was definitely worth it, even though I’m mentally and physically ruined, like the Messiah. At the end of the day, everything’s worth it for the Apres! Haha, that rhymed! Vibey.’