Polar ice caps re-freeze after Bristol student buys ‘keepcup’
Climatologists were left speechless this morning after news emerged that the polar ice caps have completely re-frozen overnight.
Before today, the high rate of glacial contraction and the ever-shrinking surface ice sheets were at the forefront of climate change policy. But, with the purchase of one University of Bristol-branded ‘keepcup’, it appears the impending global catastrophe has been averted.
It is not yet fully understood how the procurement of a reusable hot drinks vessel has reversed the adverse effects of several centuries of human activity.
All the scientific community are currently sure is that temperatures in the arctic circle dropped back down to their equilibrium level within in a matter of hours, shortly after a Bristol undergraduate opted not to use a disposable paper cup.
The Whip contacted the flask-wielding, caffeinated hero, Tom Stephens, a third year History student.
‘To be fair I was just trying to save some money on coffees. I’ve got about 5000 words left to write for my diss and things are looking pretty peak. I’ve been chugging through steaming cups of joe like it’s nobody’s business.
‘I saw that the ASS library café had a deal on with these keepcups. I figured I’ll probably save upwards of £2.60 in the long run. I was like, mate, it’s basic economics. The numbers don’t lie.’
When asked what he thought about being the unlikely saviour of our treasured planet and all its resplendent natural beauty, the humble historian responded with: ‘To be fair, yeah, bun global warming. I don’t rate it.’
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