‘Let’s cut out the middleman’: SFE to begin sending money straight to Bristol dealers

Finally, some government efficiency!

Drug dealers across the country are lauding new reforms that will see their income paid directly by Student Finance England.

Reactions to the decision have been overwhelmingly positive, with many praising the efficiency of the new model, which forms part of the government’s anti-bureaucracy campaign.

The Whip caught up with local dealer, who asked to remain anonymous.

“Well it’s about time I say, the system needed change” he began. “It was every parent’s nightmare; not knowing whether their kids were having their drug habits subsidised by the government. At least now they know for certain that they are.”

Parents have also reacted positively to the change, as one mother explained.

“My son was always spending money frivolously. I would lie awake constantly, worrying about loaning him money and what he’d spend it on. So I’m quite pleased to learn that it’s not my money he’s spending on pithy bags of grass.”

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