LSTD confirms line-up will include all the best acts you’ve never heard of

Jesus that line-up looks pretty good, I guess? Does it?

Much anticipation is building for Love Saves The Day 2018, which promises once again to be the biggest event on the student calendar, as well as the highlight of end-of-exam debauchery.

Building with similar ferocity, though, is communal anxiety about being exposed as unknowledgeable about acts billed for the day festival, including ‘Horse Meat Disco’, ‘Digital Mystikz’, and ‘Your Ears Will Hurt Soon’.

Across the University revision has been put on hold not just for a spot of sunbathing, but also to make time for research. To avoid all humiliation, students must possess enough knowledge to name-drop the most hyped DJs and suggest that ‘we should go to the main stage at 6pm’.

Psychology student Alice Winks spoke to The Whip. ‘I’m really struggling, I love festivals but this one requires so much preparation.

‘At first I was memorising facts about weird techno artists in my revision breaks, but there wasn’t enough time, so now I revise in my LSTD-planning breaks too.

‘It’s a good job second year doesn’t count. It doesn’t, does it?’

Other important arrangements for the festival include stockpiling tins, coming up with semi-ironic ‘grammable hashtags, and purchasing bindis by the bundle.

Fourth year maths student Kevin Grittle shared Alice’s sentiments. ‘Festival preparation is very time-consuming but I have developed a formula for it now’ he began.

‘Two months before it starts I purge my Spotify playlist of all traces of anything which sounds nice to listen to, and instead fill it with all the bangers I don’t know, enjoy, but incongruously can’t wait to hear played from a laptop by a shirtless DJ – so long my mates are around to see me mouth the words, nod to the beat, and give various other non-verbal cues that I am a fucking wreckhead.

‘There’ll probably be some unintelligible lyrics overlaid on the beat, which I should have down by the end of April, if I really crack on now.’

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