Arsene Wenger ‘excited for a new chapter’ as Maths intramural coach

A puzzling career move.

It has surfaced today that Arsene Wenger is set to take on the manager role for Maths B in advance of the next intramural season. The Arsenal manager expressed his excitement to James Cross, this year’s captain, in an email thread leaked exclusively to The Whip:

‘It’s great to hear from you, James. I have been watching the Maths B intramural team for the last two years, and I love the brand of football you play.

‘In my last few years here at Arsenal, I’ve become a great advocate of sloppy, lacklustre football, and from what I’ve seen from you guys so far, we’re a really good fit.

‘A couple of questions for you: first, do you mind if my friend Granit (Xhaka) comes and plays for us? He doesn’t want to stay at Arsenal if I’m leaving, and since joining us in 2012, he’s revealed himself to be such a poor player that there isn’t a single club in Europe or North America willing to have him on their wage bill.

‘Second, I was just wondering whether you have any sort of Maths B YouTube channel? I have got a lot of shit from the one at Arsenal, so I thought the best thing to do would be to set it up myself. I’ve managed to convince my old pal David Seaman to man the camera for me.’

The official announcement regarding Wenger’s new post is expected to come out later this week. Look out for him at next week’s sports night!

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