‘Coombe Dingle would be really fun to say if it didn’t fill you with terror’, experts announce

‘How could a place so depressing have a name so adorably amusing?’

With exam season underway, experts have proved conclusively what the Bristol student body have long suspected: that the horror of having exams at Coombe Dingle Sports Complex negates any humour that may be derived from its silly, cute name.

A spokesperson told The Whip, ‘having studied the name, we could identify no reason why it would not make you chuckle. It was only upon closer analysis that we realised that fear of exams, and the mental images therein created, transformed the term into one of abject dread.’

This news will likely not please the University of Bristol, who announced yet more cuts to pastoral care in the hope that the name of the complex alone would be amusing enough to allay all student stress.

One third-year Physics student had their say. ‘It’s such a horrible place, I’m sick of having to get there every year with hundreds of other anxious students. Actually, saying ‘Coombe Dingle’ actually stresses me out nowadays because it’s so incongruous. How could a place so depressing have a name so adorably amusing?’

‘In first year, it was endearing enough to calm me down during the queue to go in to exams. I’d just mutter ‘Coombe Dingle, Coombe Dingle’ over and over, and my heart would just melt. I’d go into my exams a mushy, oozy, saccharine version of my former self. But nowadays, it just doesn’t help in the same way. I guess it’s just worn off.

‘Maybe I’ll start using something else, ‘Westbury-on-Trym’ perhaps? It’s definitely on the shortlist.’

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