There have been reports today of an explosion outside the ASS Library. Police have confirmed that the incident is not terror related, but that the blast was the result of a football fanatic’s realisation that LSTD clashes with the Champions League final.
Students reported seeing fragments of rizla packets, a Ralph Lauren hat and the boy’s smug grin scattered across the library’s self-styled social club. The victim has been named as Politics undergrad and committed intramural footballer Dylan Mower. One inquisitive observer gave their comments to The Whip.
‘Essentially, we were all just chilling until bits of his cranium started flying into keep cups, hummus pots and Chilly’s bottles! It was total chaos.
‘I think he’d got a bit wound up about the football. He shouted about the Champions League and then about ‘missing bicep’ but I assumed he was referring to the gym.’
At this stage, doctors are unsure whether the Guildford resident will recover. However, his friends have vowed to sell his ticket on Clifton and Stoke Bishop Tickets for charity should he lose his battle.