Green relaxation space fails to make up for three years of pure, undiluted stress

‘I dreamt I was being chased through the undergrowth by a panther with my dissertation for a face.’

The recent emergence of a rainforest-themed ‘relaxation space’ on the first floor of the ASS Library has been met by a mixed response from students.

While some praised the University for this newest stress-relieving policy, others have claimed that it is a ‘massive waste of resources’ and a ‘condescending attempt to reassure the student population that their entire futures aren’t decided over the course of a few short exam days’.

The Whip spoke to third year chemistry student Lucy Gibbs about her views on the matter.

‘Personally, I don’t like it. I went for a wee nap there the other day and was plagued with nightmares about the forest.

‘I dreamt that I was being chased through the undergrowth by a panther with my dissertation for a face. It was rapidly gaining ground until eventually I fell off the edge of a waterfall and woke up screaming.

‘I was immediately hushed by a lurking librarian, and far from being a stress relief it ruined the rest of my day.

‘Also, there is nothing more stressful than trying to get up out of a bean bag – it’s like doing stomach crunches underwater – so why put them in the relaxation zone? It’s a shitting extreme sport as far as I’m concerned.

‘The needles and wool in the foyer are completely insane as well. Yes, some studies show that knitting relieves stress, others show that no one under the age of 68 knows how to fucking knit. It’s probably the least inclusive activity since ‘fiendish’ Sodukus were introduced to the British public.’

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