Student’s revision timetable to include 16 hours of complaining about work
With the academic year drawing to a close and the long days of tinnies in the park getting ever closer, Bristol has been hit by a wave of freshers hysterically over-sharing about their substantial, but not unmanageable, workloads.
Despite it being common knowledge that first year exams count for absolutely nothing, freshers across campus are insisting on telling anyone who’ll listen about their ‘exhausting’ revision plans.
The Whip took a trip to Churchill Hall to meet with a group of Law undergrads, to chew the fat about exams, revision timetables and the prospect of achieving 40%.
Henry Danvers, who was visibly distressed during the interview, had this to say:
‘I’ve basically coasted through this year, consistently averaging a high 2:1 pretty effortlessly, but now I’m really crumbling under the pressure.
‘It’s not the exam content that’s worrying me – but the sheer volume of hours I must spend telling people about my revision.
‘I’ve had to miss meals and skimp on sleep. In fact, last week I was forced to miss all my contact hours, just so I could fit in an afternoon of sitting in my grotty kitchen and complaining to my flatmates about essays that I probably have to complete.
‘I’ve planned an incredibly detailed timetable which I adhere to at all times. You’re lucky I can fit this interview into my allotted quota time for informative public service announcements about the state of my exam preparation – I’ve already used up fourteen and a half hours telling all my extended family and friends from back home.’
- 1Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 5Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation