Alarm bells rang and a frantic call to social services was made today as third year undergrad Hattie Thomas checked in to the White Rabbit on Facebook for the thirtieth time this month.
Sources close to Thomas have confirmed that she has always ‘had a thing for pizza’ but that these events were particularly worrying, mainly because she lives miles from the Clifton gastropub and should definitely be in the library. Plans for an intervention are currently underway.
Her worried housemate, Flo Wheatley, spoke exclusively to The Whip.
‘She used to be safe but she’s gone all weird. I’m really worried about her. We all wonder where she is getting the money from? It’s a slippery slope from pizza to something more sinister – next week she’ll be going to Parsons every day for a morning coffee.
‘Oh she does that already does she? Okay, oh well regardless the White Rabbit should totally take some responsibility. That place may serve the most suspiciously delicious pizza this side of Naples, but that’s no reason to steal our friend. She used to have a happy, full life. Now all she talks about is mozzarella and capers. It’s awful.’
Despite the widespread concern brought on by Hattie’s behaviour, not everyone is worried.
An ex-school friend explained to The Whip that ‘Hattie is probably doing it all for male attention on Facebook – just to look like she has loads of pals. Most of the time it’s an in-and-out job, she doesn’t even eat the crusts and only stays long enough to check-in.’