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‘At least exams provide five weeks of easy small talk,’ agrees everyone

A small victory.

A recent study has confirmed suspicions that exam season does actually have one unprecedented benefit: providing the entire student body with over a month of guaranteed small talk.

With dissertations over and the 29th March Brexit deadline a thing of the past, many were concerned that idle chit chat would be rendered all but impossible. Brenda Matthews had the following to say:

“I truly dreaded getting on the 142 this morning. I was waiting at the bus stop avoiding all eye contact with people I half knew – as usual – afraid that I would have nothing to say to anyone. Unfortunately, a girl I knew from my seminar in first term approached me and started talking.

“‘I KNOW, THE WEATHER IS PARTICULARLY CLEMENT TODAY ISN’T IT,’ I blurted out, not hearing her original question but diverting to my usual answer anyway.

“She blinked at me, then repeated her question: ‘How are the exams going?’

“To be honest, I couldn’t believe it,” continued Brenda in our interview, “I was so relieved to hear something new. I told her they hadn’t started yet, then made up an excuse about needing to be somewhere else, told her I’d see her at Gottwood, and left immediately. It was a classic bus interaction.”

If you feel awkward talking to people you don’t really know, The Whip suggests these alternative conversation topics: Antonio Conte’s facial hair, the latest Sainsbury’s BOGOF offers, or the increasing ferocity of inner city pigeons.

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