Worrying reports have emerged from the Alan Gilbert Learning Commons this morning as two University of Manchester students became embroiled in a bitter feud over whether a seat was in fact saved for a friend or not.
The incident involved Carla Counsell and Alexia Mitchell, both second years. The dispute has now, rather dramatically, spiralled from a petulant study-space spat into an intractable geopolitical battle over the contested territory.
Legal proceedings are expected to commence at The Hague after the end of the exam season.
Eyewitnesses of the altercation said it was ‘bizarre’, ‘unprecedented’ and ‘completely new territory for the Court to be adjudicating on’. A UN Spokesperson explained the current situation in the rapidly escalating affair.
“It is alleged that Counsell was engaged in a politically motivated land grab for some highly desired library space. An assortment of her possessions were placed down to achieve this – a pouch of Golden Virginia tobacco, a Macbook Pro charger and, remarkably, her Fiat 500. Investigations are ongoing as to how she got that there.
“We’ve also heard reports of other, possibly associated political manoeuvrings across the University precinct. One student has apparently erected a model replica of his father’s second home on a desk in Red 3.
“Another left her pony grazing on the green space outside Sam Alex. All this, just to save a friend a seat, even though everyone knows having a pal nearby whilst revising destroys all productivity.”
“The defendant and the accused were set to appear in court over the summer but will have to appear via video link as, unfortunately, they’ve already got STA flights to South East Asia booked in for the same time.”