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Facebook on laptop excited to be opened after Facebook on phone closed

Another sad day for productivity.

A student’s desktop Facebook account was delighted to be opened after its user finally put their mobile down to do some work.

Facebook user Jack Thyme-Waister generally prefers to waste his time on his mobile Facebook account, but this time decided he ought to share the love.

‘To be honest, it’s a bit short-sighted of me to spend all my time on Facebook mobile. There’s just so much to be gained from the desktop experience. I’m a big fan of the wider screen, which really has a lot to offer and totally transforms the user experience. For example, on mobile, I have to use separate apps to desperately message my ex-girlfriend and creepily stalk her profile. On my laptop, I can do both at the same time in a different but adjacent Chrome window!’

His laptop, ASUS ROG GL551JW-DS71, was grateful for the attention, but is still slightly bitter at how it has been treated in the past. The laptop tried to explain their complicated relationship:

‘I often feel really undervalued by Jack, because I feel that all of his attention goes on his phone, an iPhone 7 called Jemima. She’s younger and prettier than me, and has an 8 megapixel camera.

‘He treats her so well, I’m jealous. When he cracked her screen it got repaired right away, but when he spilt coffee on me I was left sticky for weeks! I usually only get used for boring Microsoft Word and Love Island reruns. I’m more than just a word processor! The iPhone gets all the exciting jobs, like Pokemon Go and sending naked pics to this girl he’s seeing. Jack using me for Facebook could be a real turning point in repairing our relationship.’

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