‘Fanny’ pack fails to attract any

His LSTD purchase didn’t have the desired effect.

An impressionable fresher from Badock hall approached The Whip this morning to discuss his bitter disappointment that his fashion choices had not had their desired effect.

The first year went to Love Saves The Day festival this weekend in Eastville Park with nothing but a love and drum and bass on his mind. Sadly, William Baker was left dismayed when his purchase of a North Face ‘fanny’ pack didn’t deliver on its alleged nominative determinism.

Under the impression that the ‘fanny’ in a ‘fanny pack’ referred to its ability to attract women, Baker thought this accessory was an ideal purchase for the festival this weekend. After hours scouring depop, he decided on a North Face-branded fanny pack, he told The Whip:

“I thought it was gonna be like a babe magnet, I won’t lie to you. And it was, but like if all girls also had magnets in their pockets or respective fanny packs, you know? Cos two magnets repel. So my magnet pushed their magnets away. And then they didn’t like me or my magnet, you get me?

“I know that I went for a look that’s quite out there, like I do understand. I made a bold decision but I back myself. We’ll see who’s laughing when everyone realises how convenient it is, I can put all of my personals in this handy pack, and if I put it over my shoulder like so, it’s both practical and a quirky aesthetic, you know?”

Unfortunately, when asked as to why he couldn’t have used his pockets, Baker stormed off and cut the interview short. However, our sources confirm that Baker is still sporting the ‘fanny’ pack, and still remains single and alone.

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