An exam invigilator was found in Motion’s smoking area last night in a dangerously dehydrated state after refusing to drink any water from bottles with a label on.
Mary Jarret, who has been overseeing assessments at the University of Bristol for almost twenty years, declined exclusively labelled liquids from fellow party-goers as well as medical staff as she began to devolve from an adequately hydrated human into what some onlookers mistakenly thought was a ‘raisin in reading glasses’.
‘I’m afraid rules are rules’ explained a shrivelled Mrs. Jarret, ‘although water is allowed, it must be in a clear, unlabelled vessel.’
She rasped, ‘what kind of horrific example would I be setting if I was able to sit here sipping from a bottle covered in nutritional values, product information and brand names?’
Continuing, she explained ‘there are only three things that give me headaches: not drinking enough water, hypocrisy, and individuals not adhering to the statutory regulations of the examination process.’ Mary concluded ‘despite my throat feeling like two pieces of sandpaper have made passionate love inside it, this is the better option.’
Interestingly, increased usage of social media by the older age demographics has resulted a much more active invigilator community, leading to events like the Motion social Mrs. Jarret was on last night. ‘It’s nice to come out and celebrate the end of walking-up-and-down-between-students-taking exams’ remarked another supervisor.
‘All the stress is finally over!’ she lowered her voice ‘but I, like Mary and every other invigilator, swore a sacred oath to never, ever accept water with blasphemous inscriptions like ‘Buxton’ frivolously scrawled across it. Disgusting.’
Towards the end of the night, security services were forced to remove Mrs. Jarret from motion for demanding to supervise every student going to the toilet.