First year books 19 haircuts to practise small talk for freshers week

First year students have started to trickle into Bristol this week, grappling with the stress of a new city, new friends and an insufferable helping of lifeless, arduous small talk. However, not everyone is feeling this way. One confident newbie believes he has the chit-chat cheat code – nineteen consecutive haircuts. We caught up with him to find out more. ‘‘I was halfway through a trim, listening intently to my barber talking about the recent heatwave when it came to me’’ incoming Sociology student Graham Morley explained. “By my twelfth head nod I had it sussed. What better way to practice making idle small talk with my peers than to book a further eighteen haircuts?’’ However, it wasn’t all plain sailing for rosy-scalped Graham. ‘‘It’s happened to me before where I’ve accidentally mentioned something that merits an In-depth conversation. In other words, I had to engage in meaningful discourse.’’ He shuddered ‘close call that was.’’ “And you should’ve seen the look I got when I asked if the lights could be turned down so I could practice asking for a ciggie in the smoking area.” Luckily for Graham, it wasn’t all doom and gloom. ‘‘There were some good bits in fairness. For example, I learned that never has he ever performed an Eiffel Tower, had sex in public, or gotten off with an older woman. I couldn’t be in a better position to face my first night.’’ Graham also revealed to The Whip that he has been spending considerable time talking to brick walls in preparation for communicating with lecturers.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *