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Students everywhere quaking at prospect of full year of strike-free education

Their worst fears confirmed.

Midway through the last academic year, Bristol students faced a period of UCU industrial action. Libraries emptied and a period of blissful procrastination reigned supreme.

It is no wonder, then, that as the new term looms staff and students alike are uncomfortable with the prospect of 9 working months with time off only at Christmas, Easter and most lectures because they’re on Blackboard anyway.

Politics second year Kitty Edwards reached out to The Whip to share some of the strike memories that sadly won’t replicable this year. ‘‘That time off was great for my social climbing” she explained.

“I managed to get an item featured on the Depop homepage, gained a couple hundred Instagram followers and made good progress on my class B drug habit. How am I going to find time to do all that if we actually have lectures?’’

With term almost beginning, academics are not happy with the student community’s reaction to the news. One anonymous social science lecturer voiced his frustrations:

‘‘We’re a top 10 UK university, and our students are supposed to be among the most diligent minds in the country!’’ He explained, ‘’but still, I’m not that surprised. Every staff member knows this is a barefaced lie. They’re absolutely petrified at the thought of any significant tract of work.’’

The Whip understands that the University of Bristol’s student support team is currently discussing how to ease students back into a full year of study as gently as possible. Rumours of a ‘four weeks of fuck-all’ campaign and a ‘don’t turn up Tuesday’ initiative are already circulating.

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