As freshers week draws near, second years everywhere are being brought back to Bristol by their parents, eager to move in to their new student houses. However, one undergrad had other priorities.
Mere seconds after arrival, geography student Kyle Hurley completed what one onlooker described as ‘the smoothest transition they’d seen since PowerPoint 07’, seamlessly moving from the back seat of his mum’s Toyota directly into a black BMW parked only ten metres away. Kyle claimed the driver was ‘just a friend’. The Whip went to investigate.
‘‘I would like to clarify that yes, it was a mate’’ explained Kyle, “a super close mate actually. We text all the time.’’ He continued smugly “just about like classic friend stuff really. I ask him when he’s around, he says until midnight, I ask him if he can come meet me, he says only if you’re picking up more than 4 grams, blah blah blah. You know how it is with pals’’.
After sitting through his bullshit, our reporter tracked down Kyle’s mother and father to see if they had any information on their son’s so called ‘pal’.
“I have to say, it was like something from Le Mans. I’ve never seen someone run so quickly from car to car’’ Mr. Hurley exclaimed. “I guess the friends you make at university really are the best ones you’ll ever have. Clearly he’s very keen to see them!’’
Mrs. Hurley Chimed in “well, we have no reason to think it wasn’t a friend. Apart from the lack of number plates, the smoke leaving the vehicle’s windows and the 50 kilograms of cocaine strapped to the roof rack. I guess it’s just what students are into now days!’’
The Whip tried to track down Kyle’s ‘friend’ for comment. He wasn’t around.