Subject parent goes out to buy mixer, never comes back

Howls of a broken home echoed around Redland this morning as a single subject father came to terms with his recent separation. Last night, during a Biology family social, two subject parents were entertaining their three children, when the mother left home at approximately 10:30pm, never to return.

The single father, Pete, claims that the mother, Barbara,
had veiled her exit under the pretence of getting some mixer for their homemade
family punch. However, as the night wore on, fog thickened, hope thinned, and a
home started to crumble.

The Whip spoke to the Biology father, who mostly sobbed, but briefly collected himself to say, “You hear that it happens to 50% of marriages, but I never thought it would happen to us, and never like this.

“How could she? She’d said a few jokes to me throughout the
night like, ‘Christ, I don’t know how much more of this I can take’ and,  ‘I think I might go to my mate’s gig in a
bit’, but that was just classic Barb! She’s the best wisecracker I know! Well,

Pete then continued his sobbing, and concern remains for not
only him but also his children, and the missing Barbara. Pete has applied to
work nightshifts at Bristol Airport to support his children, who reportedly
later that night turned to drinking and possibly even smoking.

As for the missing mother, an anonymous tip told us that they saw Barb late last night getting into a black BMW with tinted windows, then getting out a minute later.

What this means we don’t know for certain, but we can only assume it was a render-vous with a lover; and The Whip publicly condemns this BMW owner for breaking apart a family.