Subject parent goes out to buy mixer, never comes back
Howls of a broken home echoed around Redland this morning as a single subject father came to terms with his recent separation. Last night, during a Biology family social, two subject parents were entertaining their three children, when the mother left home at approximately 10:30pm, never to return.
The single father, Pete, claims that the mother, Barbara, had veiled her exit under the pretence of getting some mixer for their homemade family punch. However, as the night wore on, fog thickened, hope thinned, and a home started to crumble.
The Whip spoke to the Biology father, who mostly sobbed, but briefly collected himself to say, “You hear that it happens to 50% of marriages, but I never thought it would happen to us, and never like this.
“How could she? She’d said a few jokes to me throughout the night like, ‘Christ, I don’t know how much more of this I can take’ and, ‘I think I might go to my mate’s gig in a bit’, but that was just classic Barb! She’s the best wisecracker I know! Well, knew…”
Pete then continued his sobbing, and concern remains for not only him but also his children, and the missing Barbara. Pete has applied to work nightshifts at Bristol Airport to support his children, who reportedly later that night turned to drinking and possibly even smoking.
As for the missing mother, an anonymous tip told us that they saw Barb late last night getting into a black BMW with tinted windows, then getting out a minute later.
What this means we don’t know for certain, but we can only assume it was a render-vous with a lover; and The Whip publicly condemns this BMW owner for breaking apart a family.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form