Hyde Park gardener inundated with calls after handing out genuine business cards

“Weirdly, they always call in the middle of the night”

A man attempting to expand his gardening business in Hyde Park has contacted The Whip after receiving an unexpected amount of calls from ‘green-keen’ students.

We caught up with the bewildered landscaper Gareth Mitten for the full story.

“I noticed the unkempt gardens and neglected patios were in need of some green-fingered flair, so I hopped on my BMX with a warm stack of business cards to try and get the ball rolling.”

It wasn’t long before Gareth’s phone was flooded with calls from impatient students needing a strong dose of Gareth’s pruning, planting and mulching services.

“I was thrilled by the response! I had no idea students were so heavily into horticulture!”

Keeping up with students’ demands, however, hasn’t been a walk in the park:

“They always call in the middle of the night and hang up when I tell them I can’t come in the next 20 minutes, also I’m not totally certain what ‘green’ actually is. 

“And why is everyone asking for weed?! Normally I’m removing weeds – not being asked to supply them!”

Gareth has also attracted unwanted attention from other local businessmen, with men in black BMWs telling him to get off their turf.

“Turf!” He chuckled, unrolling a fresh roll of lawn. “They wouldn’t know a turf if it smacked them in the face.”

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