Scientists around the world have performed a humongous U-turn this week, urging the world to shift its concentration away from the climate so it can change in a state of uninterrupted, peaceful bliss.
Known to close friends and family as ‘dangerous levels of global warming’, the climate expressed its dissatisfaction at the very public nature of the start of its transition into a new, hotter state. This eventually culminated in a stern telling off for the earth’s population and calls for activists to ‘avert your eyes already, you weirdos’.
The Whip caught up with the climate this afternoon as the awkward situation unfolded. “You just can’t get any privacy here” it explained. “I know I literally engulf the world with my endless string of chemically induced reactions that dictate the weather, but it would be nice if people just gave me that little bit of ‘me’ time I need.”
It continued “I thought I was someone the environmentalists cared about, so it’s difficult to see them hell bent on drawing as much attention to me as possible. Especially when I’m in the middle of changing.”
Subsequently, some experts have suggested that due to some protester’s continual actions the climate is ‘even more embarrassed than to start with’. Evidence suggests this has caused temperatures to rise a further 1.5-2 degrees.
Before we left it to it, global warming told us: “people watching you change just creates a horrible atmosphere, which is exactly what I am right now. They’ve brought it on themselves.”
The Whip suggests that anyone considering raising awareness for issues surrounding the climate changing should speak to it first and not just barge in like some sort of overly enthusiastic fitting room supervisor.