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Student finds themselves on gap year, immediately loses themselves in Roger Stevens

“She’s not the first and she won’t be the last”

Reports have emerged this afternoon of a flustered fresher who experienced a fully-blown existential crisis after attempting to attend a lecture in Roger Stevens LT24. 

According to sources, Vicky Wriggle previously considered herself a self-assured independent young woman before she lost all sense of self after trying to navigate the Roger Stevens staircase. 

We caught up with the recently recovered Vicky to find out more. 

“I spent all of last year pedding around Vietnam and didn’t have to ask for directions once!” she insisted, failing to disclose the nature of the pre-booked guided tour that had been bought for her 18th Birthday.

“Self-realisation, independence and problem-solving are key”, she went on, explaining how her trek up Mount Batur to see the sunrise in Bali had changed her life.

However, after failing to find the location of her own lecture – despite being two weeks into term – the naive philosophy student was forced to attend and endure a two-hour Biochemistry seminar entitled ‘Bacterial Gene Regulations’. 

As a result, Vicky missed her scheduled Bakery 164 lunch and was thrust into a state of despair, questioning not only her capacity to gain a degree and live in a new city, but also her entire existence. 

We caught up with the Roger Stevens site manager Gary Locke, who found Vicky in the early hours of this morning gently rocking in a corner of the building, muttering about spinning through space on a huge rock.

“She’s not the first and she won’t the the last. Last week I found one asleep under the lecture stand down in LT19. Fucking brutalist architecture.

“What’s the point of all those stupid cylindrical ascents and disproportional staircases? They’re pure shite, nothing but chaos.”

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