Lola Lo’s employ lifeguards to combat sharking problem

Drastic measures.

The act known as ‘sharking’ – which has seen a nationwide rise since 2016 – describes the measures taken by desperate university veterans in clubs to go home with freshers. This trend has resulted in the nightclub experience being ruined for all attendees, absolutely and without exception. 

The once popular Tuesday night student club Lola Lo’s has recently  been transformed into a shark-infested tank of twats, due to certain ‘senior’ members of the UoB student body. However, one Triangle institution believes it has found the answer: hiring a lift guard. 

The manager of Lolas refused an interview with The Whip about this drastic measure. 
He did, however, give a statement on behalf of the club, commenting that “Lola Lo’s has and always will be a top class venue” and insisting that this issue was also prevalent elsewhere: “this is an epidemic not just in our clubs but in the whole of Bristol, maybe even every university town in the UK.”

The Whip caught up with the new Lolas lifeguard, who had his first shift on Tuesday night:

“Some third years think that, just because they’re in third year, they’ve magically become better looking and more charming. They walk round like they own the place as well” he explained. 

“I’m basically just an over-friendly-arrogant-arsehole prevention service.”

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *