‘Property is theft,’ says leftist student stealing flatmates’ mugs

There is a spectre haunting communal living…

While politics and hypocrisy are no stranger to one another, it came to The Whip’s attention yesterday that one third-year philosophy student, Michael Perry, has been hiding a truly shocking secret. While Michael can often be seen outside Senate House chanting, “Property is theft!”, it has now been revealed that the Marx-enthusiast has been stealing – nay – hoarding his flatmates’ mugs.

The young socialist is alleged to have in his possession a stash featuring every mug from the high-end ‘I wish this was Prosecco!’ mug, all the way to the timeless Creme Egg mug from the Easter of ‘07.

Though he claims that the mugs are neither in his possession, nor in anyone’s at all, his flatmates have spoken out that they’ve had enough and are demanding the mugs be put back in the kitchen.

Speaking to The Whip, Michael told us, “Well I don’t call it theft. I prefer the term ‘requisitioning’. There was an uneven distribution of mugs in this house and one night, after slamming Jagerbombs at Mbargos with the comrades, I just thought, ‘What Is To Be Done?’

“I’m not sure which my favourite is. I usually just like any mugs that are red, but the JPMorgan Chase one from the investment banking careers fair is probably my favourite. I know all mugs are equal but I suppose some mugs are more equal than others.”

While it is clear that Michael is keen on his stash, it remains to be seen whether Michael keeps the mugs all year, or whether his crockery-based politics is just a phase.

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