What a gaff! Archbishop of Canterbury accidentally does techno set at Church

It was only a matter of time.

In the late hours of Friday night, a rather amusing mix up occurred when the 105th principal leader of the Church of England, Justin Welby, mistook the nightclub ‘Church’ for Saint Annes Cathedral. The Archbishop came to Leeds with the sole intention of delivering a sermon at a late night service, but instead performed a thumping dark techno set that the holy spirit itself would be proud of. Post set, The Whip spoke to the Archbishop in the smoking area as he kicked back with a can of red stripe and a roll up. “What a kerfuffle, ay? I need to start double checking the address I put in the Uber app! Anyway, I thought something seemed off when I saw the massive army of bouncers out front – I just assumed that we were in a rough part of town, and who am I to judge? “Then things got even stranger when I stepped up to (what I thought was) the altar, and I noticed a pair of CDJ-2000 Nexus with a brand spanking new mixer, how often do you get to mix on one of those badboys? Thank God I had my USBs on me.” The overwhelming success of Welby’s techno set has led to a mass rebranding of the Church of England, with the aim to appeal to the 18-25 demographic. The Archbishop of Canterbury is now being referred to as ‘DJ AB-C’, and every individual pew is being replaced with beanbags, in order to give the churches a ‘chiller vibe’.

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