Timepiece announce plans for new ‘huge queue’ venue

Organisers have described the new setting as “urban”, with a “tarmac” decor.

Exeter nightclub Timepiece today unveiled plans to establish its vast waiting line as its latest official venue.

Club authorities confirmed to The Whip that they will be launching this new venture next Wednesday night, to combat the enormous crowds generated by sports socials.

“We’ve been searching for ways to expand Timepiece’s unique experience,” promoter Lee Harper commented, “and it turns out there’s nothing students love more than standing in a stationary horde for over an hour, all with the added thrill of trying to smuggle your mates in past several fat, middle-aged bouncers.”

Organisers have described the new setting as “urban”, with a “tarmac” decor, adding that it has a “near infinite” capacity.

“We get consistently positive feedback on our smoking area” they added, “so we’ve upped the ante and transformed our entire ‘huge queue’ venue into on huge smoking area!

“We’ve also noticed that a lot of the people who attend sports socials prefer the sound of their own voices to the music we play,” continued Lee, “so we thought we’d employ a few big fellas screaming ‘ooh ahh Exetahh’ as the entertainment.”

Reactions to the decision have been mixed. Rory Evans, a third-year EURFC member, first chuckled at the announcement, before confidently brandishing an AU Gold Card and sauntering away.

One perplexed fresher contacted for comment was seemingly unaware that Timepiece existed in any capacity beyond the queue.

Early plans for a mini-bar along Bailey’s street are in the works, though The Whip has been assured that drinks will not be overpriced; Timepiece guarantees VKs will not exceed their standard price of £4 each.

In similar news, The Whip has learned that Rosie’s is offering “free money” to anyone willing to pose as a queuing student, as part of their latest marketing strategy.

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