Michelin Man exclusive: ‘my culture is not your winter fashion’

“It’s a mere imitation of the way me and my people have looked for centuries”

The recent drop in temperature has once again seen the annual emergence of the puffer jacket on campus. One figure, however, does not welcome this sudden influx of down. The Whip yesterday caught up with the Michelin Man, the nation’s favourite French tyre manufacture mascot. He believes not enough people are pausing to consider the cultural insensitivity of their winter wardrobe. The rubbery icon had this to say: “Every year I deal with this issue, but until now I haven’t had to courage to speak up. “I completely understand that puffer jackets aren’t made of tyres, I’m not some stupid Goodyear. However by wearing one, you are imitating the way that me and my people have looked for centuries, and you are passing our culture off as your own. “The tyre community will no longer roll for it. I don’t care about Moncler’s cold weather performance, or the success of Urban Outfitters’ baby pink puffer  – you’ll never see one of their jackets holding traction around an icy hairpin at 90mph.” To gain some contrast on the topic, The Whip attended a local Jackets First rally, who were protesting absolutely nothing outside a foot asylum. We even managed to speak to their leader – Toasty Robinson. “The world’s going absolutely fucking spare. First of all we can’t wear winter coats, then you’ll be telling us we can’t abuse clothes for being manufactured in a different country. “Next thing you know there’s a bloke made of tyres sat in number 10 doing all he can to stop us humans from earning a decent wage. It’s a slippery slope.”

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