Spineless coward pays for TV license
Three bemused second year students have approached The Whip after their housemate bought a TV license. According to the undergraduates, Kevin Cord made the astonishing purchase after receiving threatening correspondence from the authorities.
When the letters stopped, Kevin began to fear the worst – a visit from an enforcement office and £120 fine.
Housemate Sebastian Console had little sympathy for his staggeringly wet mate. “I knew something was up when Kev started watching way more Newsnight than usual, apparently Brexit and terrorism are the only things which distract him from our failure to fulfil our ‘household tax responsibilities’.
“I always knew Kev was a sensible bloke, he empties the bin when it’s full. But I didn’t think he had it in him to buy a fucking TV license”, revealed Sebastian, forcefully shoving the 22-page contract into a shredder.
“I swear to God if anyone else had seen that naff bit of green paper pinned up on the fridge we’d have no mates.”
Sebastian continued his rant, turning red in the face at the prospect of paying the fine in three easy instalments over the course of 24 months, divided evenly between the four housemates.
“The worst part is the government wouldn’t even give us a refund. I just can’t trust him now. I bet he’s got his laptop insured as well in case we get burgled, what a miser.
“If you like the BBC so much mate, then why don’t you just marry it?”
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation
- 5Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness