‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em’ seems to be the party line from Leeds City Council with regards to bonfire night this year.
The Whip has been made aware of plans to outsource responsibilities of today’s fireworks display to local kids who – judging on the last six weeks of ceaseless explosions around the area – are far better equipped when it comes to pyrotechnics.
We caught up with a Council Spokeswoman Laura Plough and local ragamuffin-turned-explosives contractor Kyle O’Connell to find out more about the decision.
“We’ve got our best men on the job,” explained Ms Plough, having just apprehended the boy for attempting to steal her purse.
“Whilst most people see a little shit with a Catherine wheel, we at the council see a young, enthusiastic local resident with years of experience in not only fireworks but arson and the odd flare.”
“Rather than a proper effigy at the stake, we figured we could just burn a pile of old sofas taken from outside people’s houses on Brudenell road,” explained Kyle, 15.
“Also, it might be kind of funny if someone got hit, so there will be a few rogue ones directed at the crowd, but apart from that it’s just your standard fireworks display, really.
“Let’s not forget, we’ve been rehearsing almost every night since September, so all the noise complaints will finally be worth.”
Whether this display is a ruze to lure students out of their houses in order to carry out an evening of burglaries, The Whip is uncertain, but waits in excited anticipation to see how events will unfold.