Victoria Beckham has announced on social media today that the reason for her absence from the Spice Girls reunion tour is that she, regrettably, has “labs tomorrow”. As attendance is marked, Posh cannot afford to miss her labs for the multi-million pound reunion tour of one of Britain’s greatest late-nineties pop sensations.
Since the prime of the Spice Girls mania, Beckham has had a solo career, launched a highly lucrative fashion label, become a mother, and – most recently – started an undergraduate bachelor of sciences degree in biochemistry.
It was revealed on the ex-pop star’s Instagram and Twitter this morning that any form of interaction in or around the day of her laboratory work was entirely impossible. In an interview today, Beckham explained.
“To perform on the eve of a labs session would be altogether insane. You know that, I know that, everyone and their mums knows that. I always sing to myself the handy mantra, ‘If you wannabe my biochemist, you’ve gotta get down to labs’, and it has yet to let me down.
“Look, I love the spices, they know I do, you know I do, everyone and their mums knows I do. But not everything’s about global fame and success, maybe I just want to get a solid 2:1 and an internship I don’t care about. ‘Spice up your life’ sure, but your life’s going to go unseasoned without a stable income.”
Sporty, Scary, Baby and Ginger have yet to comment on the matter, but allegations have emerged that a separate WhatsApp chat has been made to vent their dismay at this most recent development. Though there were also concerns over Mel B’s ability to attend due to her similar university enrolment, she is fortunately studying English and Philosophy, and so is free to tour globally, indefinitely.