Career Zone replaced by robot screaming “LinkedIn” at passersby
In a bold and unprecedented move, Exeter University have today announced that the current Career Zone is to be wholly replaced by a state-of-the-art robot, designed to emit the words ‘LinkedIn’ to unwitting students. Their new solution, which they hope will dramatically reduce graduate unemployment, will be rolled out next week.
Exeter University has a world-wide reputation as a tech pioneer, and boasts other cutting-edge innovations such as the Forum’s futuristic revolving doors.
Senior leadership believe that this new innovation will only increase their esteem and hope that the robot will “really hammer the message home.” Unconfirmed reports suggest that the idea narrowly beat out scrapping all arts-based degrees.
We caught up with Brenda Weeks, former head of the Careers Zone and recently unemployed. She revealed that there was unanimous praise for the LinkedIn robot, with staff calling it “pretty brave”, “exciting stuff” and “fun for all the family.”
Philosophy fresh Jasper Beauregard, however, was less impressed. Speaking on behalf of his similarly unimpressed peers, Jasper insightfully pointed out: “I dunno about you mate, but why do you need LinkedIn if you have a dad?”
Brenda also revealed to our team that should this change prove successful, there are plans to permanently replace all student welfare provisions with a mechanical model of the Vice Chancellor shouting ‘buck up’.
- 1Greta delivers earth-shattering Motion techno set during Bristol visit
- 2Third year revises so hard that ‘chilled study beats’ becomes actual music taste
- 3North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 4Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 5Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form