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Second year with shit moustache mistaken for good person

Nightmare.

A mysterious Redland resident with a less than average smattering of facial hair today revealed that he has been embroiled in an ongoing case of mistaken identity.

Ben Simmonds, 19, has already been confused numerous times this month for one of the many noble males attempting to grow upper-lip whiskers for national charity event ‘Movember’.

For all the second year’s efforts to adopt the so-called ‘righteous’ ways of the hipster, such as wearing braces, working part-time in a retro clothing shop and only drinking green gluten-free smoothies, he has fallen woefully short in one crucial area – the ‘tache.

This failed attempt to grow a proper moustache has resulted in Ben approaching The Whip for an interview. He’s keen to distinguish himself from the model citizens currently enveloping the country in masculine altruism.

“I’d like to clamp down on any suggestions that I’m an upstanding member of society ” said Ben.

“Sure, the few strands of bumfluff protruding from my upper lip look no different from the charitable actions of many individuals within the university” he explained. “But believe me, I’m not well-meaning in the slightest.”

“People have been acting as if I’m the student equivalent of Gandhi, Jesus and those guys that always have a spare filter, all rolled into one. But that’s just not who I am.”

After the interview finished, in an attempt to prove the legitimacy of his claims Ben emptied a nearby Children in Need collection bucket into his pocket and dropped kicked a child down Woodland Road. To the great relief of all watching, the collection bucket was returned safely.

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