Disgruntled prime minister Theresa May today contacted The Whip to express her frustration of being the only one left contributing to a “very important” group assignment.
We headed to Downing Street to find out more, where she complained of being “left in the lurch by a bunch of democracy-hating traitors” and showed us the WhatsApp group made specifically for organising the task, in which she is the only one left.
The PM continued to express her displeasure with the rest of her group, calling them “no better than that jam-loving Communist” and questioning whether their reasons for abandoning the group project were genuine.
She went on to insist that “no presentation is better than a bad presentation” and that she would “bring the whole lot of them down with me if this all goes tits up, which it definitely will.”
“It’s the most complicated project I’ve had to do by some way, it’s like trying to complete a 1000-piece puzzle except all the pieces are on fire and so am I.”
“As if that wasn’t bad enough our project assessor is Jean-Claude Juncker, he’s a particularly harsh marker and our relationship has been somewhat sour since I told him I think everything he stands for is worthless.”
Third-year Politics student, Laura Granger, contacted The Whip to say she had some sympathy for May.
“We’ve all been there. At least some of her group had the decency to formally resign, my group and I were about to do our presentation when one of them shouted ‘NOW’ and they all ran out the seminar room, so it could be worse.”
According to recent reports, May was last spotted in the corner of a business school seminar room rocking back and forth and humming the tune to Jerusalem.