Child who called teacher ‘mum’ grows up to be student who puts ‘x’ on end of email to lecturer

Please, there’s no need for informality.

A new study reveals that children who accidentally call their teacher ‘mum’ at primary school invariably evolve into students who use kisses on the end of formal emails to university lecturers.

The study confirmed that these are the same snotty broccoli-avoiders who wet the bed in their early teens and were still breastfed at an age where they could form coherent sentences.

Mark Willoughby is one such student. Having developed a ‘rapport’ with his Philosophy professor, they engaged in a back and forth exchange about dissertation research that led to Mr Willoughby closing his email with a ‘xx’.

The Whip got in touch with Mr Willoughby to see if this was accidental and if he was aware of the behavioural pattern.

“Yeah, I mean I have been guilty of ‘overfriendliness’ for a while now. For me, it’s about pushing boundaries, you know? Challenging the social norms. It’s the little things like winking at the local barista when he hands you a flat white, kissing the shop assistant on the cheek when they help you find your size, or responding ‘yes, did you?’ when a waiter asks if you enjoyed the meal.

“It’s not something I find majorly embarrassing. Like, now when I put ‘x’ or ‘tysm hehe’ in emails to my lecturer it doesn’t faze me. I’m just prone to completely misjudging social situations and making things exceptionally awkward for everyone involved. It happens time and time again.”

Mr Willoughby has also been known to ask his course mates how they found the ruin bars in Budapest after only seeing they were there via Instagram story and frequently adds people he’s met once on Find My Friends.

When asked how he thinks the behaviour will manifest itself in his future, Mr Willoughby commented, “Who knows to be honest? I’ll probably end up hip-bumping the widow at a family funeral and saying ‘Widwoah! You’ve got some moves baby girl.’ Can’t stop, won’t stop. Honestly. I couldn’t stop, even if I wanted to.”

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