the whip

Student gets bus to Birmingham to join back of Parsons queue

Bristol Bus and Coach Station had one rather unexpected traveller hurrying through its doors today. In a remarkable feat of commitment, a Bristol second-year purchased a one-way National Express ticket to Birmingham to join the back of a queue for Parsons bakery.

Joe Hines-Ross, a Historian and cheap coffee fanatic, recently moved to Redland and had been strolling past Parsons every day this academic year. The £1 coffee is deemed a treat for many, but it comes at the price of a particularly cumbersome queue.

Unfazed by the mildly excessive line he was confronted with
this morning, Hines-Ross set one eye on Birmingham and one eye on the prize. Many
have dubbed his act, ‘The Parsons Crusade’. Speaking to The Whip, Hines-Ross said,

“It’s not just part of my daily routine, it’s part of the
fabric of my life, great coffee-based deals are quilted into my bones – as
should be the case for all students.

“Whether I’m feeling high or low, there’s nothing I hanker
for more than a £1 cappuccino with too much froth and slightly burnt milk.
That’s a craving that you can’t unstitch. And I will go to any length, even 88
miles, to get my fix.”

A spokesperson for National Express spoke on the curious case to The Whip. “Queuing is obviously a quintessentially British thing! And we are obviously a national coach service so we absolutely endorse Joe’s behaviour, it’s all the ‘Joes’ out there that are keeping Britain British – so to them we say, ‘Welcome aboard!’

“As winter approaches, deadlines loom and students’ caffeine
cravings skyrockets we are considering laying on more services. At the moment
the ‘Parsons Express’ has only been discussed in a series of mood boards and
blue-sky thinking sessions but we think it could be very profitable.”

Parsons staff members have setup a Facebook event to welcome
the hardy second year. They plan to offer him a free custard slice and are
weighing up a 10% discount to bring the price down to a rather respectable 90p.