Acts of genius are few and far between in the modern age. But cries of ‘Eureka!’ echoed through Redland in the early hours of yesterday, as a young UoB third year leapt out of her overdraft.
Using just a Tipp-Ex correction pen, Anusha Salam defied all economic precedent and removed the minus sign from her mobile banking statement. With this stroke of inspiration, the student transformed the woeful into the wonderful, the negative into the positive, -£1500 into £1500.
Economic theorists have been left dumbfounded by this breakthrough, and banks across Bristol have become a shell of their former selves as they come to terms with this loophole.
Reportedly, Santander has ‘closed for redecorating’; HSBC employees are trying to eat money to turn it into ‘Bitcoin’; and Natwest on The Triangle is deserted, with tumbleweed and torn-out hair strewn across the floor.
The Whip found a still sane, but nonetheless shaken, economist to elaborate on what this might mean for other current accounts and for the Pound at large.
“I cannot express to you how horribly embarrassing this is. She’s outwitted us all and hasn’t even broken a law. The only thing that’s criminal about this is our collective incompetence – I’m livid, embarrassed and so damn emasculated.
“She’s made Northern Rock look like a fucking pitch and putt. This is the real deal, a PGA 18-hole stomper, and we haven’t got a hope in hell in making par for the course. Tiger Woods couldn’t drive this fairway if insolvency was the ball and a Financial Services Compensation Scheme was his 9-iron. It’s all gone tits up.”
The interview was cut short as our economist gradually descended into a series of golfing-based sobs. The Whip were unfortunately unable to contact Miss Salam, as she still cannot afford to leave her house after spending all of her newfound income on paying back her housemates for bills.