Lecturers congregate for global conference on learning to make YouTube videos full screen

About time.

Esteemed academics from across the globe gathered in Vienna this week for a vital talk on how to ‘full screen’ media content from popular video sharing website YouTube. The conference, which one German Physics professor admitted was ‘long overdue’, was organised in response to building frustrations voiced by student bodies all over the world.

Undergraduates from Europe and North America have been particularly vocal in expressing their concerns regarding the fact intellectual pioneers breaking the boundaries of human understanding cannot acquire simple internet skills.

“it’s about time that those entrusted with educating us are able to get through an entire seminar or lecture without provoking an enormous, collective groan through the medium of IT incompetence” complained Angelica Mandolazio, Computer Science student and head of the Italian Student Council.

She continued “my lecturer literally pioneered coding techniques that are now the basis for what we understand about information technology, but it takes her twelve minutes to find F11 on a keyboard she’s owned for a decade. What the fuck.”

The much needed summit will take place across a four day weekend and will include several workshops on basic internet tools. Scheduled topics include ‘how to copy and paste a hyperlink into a PowerPoint’, ‘how to connect to a Wi-Fi Network’ and most importantly ‘How to look like you know how to do all these things when you’ve actually forgotten’.

One member of our press team reported that the event also included the showing of a series of videos detailing harrowing accounts of student’s infuriating experiences of technological ineptness involving department staff. One particularly irked 21 year old revealed in the footage: 

‘My personal tutor tried and failed to full screen a YouTube video of himself performing an experiment unquantifiably more complicated than full screening a YouTube. It was painful to watch. Naturally the only appropriate action to take was to repeatedly bash my head off the table, walls and floor until the whole ordeal ended.’

Unfortunately the emotional sentiment of the video was largely lost on the five thousand strong crowd because the event’s compere, Dr. Stephen Munchen, could not connect his laptop to the projector in time.

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