Professor carves dissertation feedback into gravestone after forgetting to reply for 80 years

Long overdue.

Undergraduates are no strangers to waiting for longer than two or three days for lecturers to reply with feedback. However, this week saw one student left waiting an ‘unreasonable’ amount of time as dissertation feedback was carved into their gravestone, 80 years late.

The news comes as unsurprising to many students studying at the University of Bristol, with teaching staff notorious for their not-so-rapid replies. But forgetfulness of this magnitude is seldom seen.

The student in question, the late Suzie Phillips, 99, was sadly unable to make any changes to her dissertation entitled ‘The First and Last World War’, written in 1934.

The name and identity of the essay supervisor responsible for such dreadful draft delays has been withheld due to the fear of more students demanding replies. Surprisingly, the professor in question responded to our email requesting a meeting both promptly and efficiently. Our communications team believe this was due to the capitalised word ‘IMPORTANT’ written seventeen times in the subject header.

After a mere three days of back and forth over Microsoft Outlook, we were granted an interview:

“I have just been really busy. I was going to reply tomorrow but tomorrow is always a busier day! That’s just how it’s been for the last 70 or so years. But when I finally realised how late it’d got, I thought it would only be right to send them into the next life safe in the assurance that they got a 64/100, a solid 2:1.”

“My work has always had a higher priority unfortunately, I’m just not really concerned with the trivial works of third years. I mean who can’t write 10,000 word dissertation first time without any issues?”

When asked if there was anything that could be done to stop this problem happening in the future, the lecturer responded:

“Of course I allow my students to email me, I always have. So they can definitely get in touch. I do do that thing where I give them the wrong email, you know like you do at fresher’s fair, but it’s still a point of contact. Technically.”

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