Smoke signalling entire dissertation less time consuming than Turnitin, studies show

Who needs technology?

A recent study into the University of Exeter’s online submission systems has showcased glaring flaws in the efficiency of turnitin and BART, suggesting that many rudimentary methods are quicker and easier.

The report details various shortcomings, such as the fact that uploading to the dual submission system is often more time-consuming than the actual writing of the submitted piece. The most damning indictment, however, is the revelation that smoke-signalling an entire dissertation is quicker than using turnitin and BART.

Alvaro Mendes, who submitted his dissertation via this method, was full of praise for this alternate route. “My dissertation supervisor trying to navigate ELE is the technological equivalent of trying to find a room in Amory; I thought it would be easier if she could just look out the window into the sky. It’s not like I’m gonna get feedback either way.”

Another supporter of the method, insufferable twit Jenson Parks, responded with elation at the prospect of “being able to submit work by vaping,” specifically calling the idea “dope as shit.”

A petition to make this the primary method of submission is picking up pace, with further support to have all lectures and seminars carried out in the same way. “None of us want to go to campus and stare at other disinterested hungover people to be honest, if we could all just stay at home and burn stuff I think it’s a much more dignified way to proceed,” added Mendes to his glowing support for the cause.

Lecturers too have supported the idea, with the prospect of never having to see students flounder in an 8:30 seminar met with rousing approval.

Whilst The Whip is currently committed to online publication, the future is looking bright for smoke-based communication in Exeter.

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