Librarians and pool attendants alike were like confused yesterday afternoon after one mixed-up fresher reserved a space in the ASS with a towel and a Spanish sunbed with lecture notes.
Melissa Caddis, seemingly in two places at once and yet in neither, befuddled staff at both the Arts and Social Sciences library in Bristol and at the Hotel Feliz in Malaga. When speaking to The Whip today, it became clear that the Arts Student was either clumsy, or brilliant, or both.
“Look, I know it’s terribly embarrassing but I don’t know what else there is to say. I took a cigarette break and came back fifteen minutes later, I didn’t cause any harm.
“All of these questions, ‘Were you in Malaga or the ASS?’, ‘How did your minor mixup span 1500 Miles?’ It’s incessant. I think people need to get out of the house more, really.”
The faux pas has not only caused the fresher’s embarrassment, but has led to huge queues and/or panic on beaches on the southern Spanish coast. Caddis has become mytholigised, attaining a reputation as “amenaza de papal”, or “the paper menace.”
It is understood that the first year was forced to stare intensely at the hotel’s poolside menu in a futile attempt to save face.