“I just have so much on,” says student who sleeps till 2:30pm everyday

A harrowing tale.

The flatmates of Anna Kersham, a second year Philosophy student, reached out to The Whip this week with a request to tackle the paradox of how she is never doing anything, yet is always somehow busy. Anna met with our reporter to tell us just how much she’s “got on.”

A typical day for Anna, she informs us, involves waking up at 2:30pm, making some avocado toast before settling down to watch Notting Hill or Love Actually.

After getting her Hugh Grant fix, she spends the remainder of the late afternoon and early evening turning down invitations to go out before relenting at around 8 and heading to pres.

It should be noted that many of Anna’s lectures and seminars take place before she has even woken up, which in her words is “a cruel shame” as if they were any later she “would definitely go to them”.

As a result of her almost perpetual absence, Anna is unable to find much free time between her regular trips to Costa and the Netflix homepage.

Her ten society committee positions, in such prestigious organisations as ‘Opera Society’ and ‘Pogo Stick Club’, also take up a lot of time – at least they should, but she is too busy catching up on her missed work to engage.

Anna’s flatmates approached The Whip to explain that they have tried to hold interventions for her, but whenever they tried she was always asleep, or “very busy with important work,” which later transpired to be browsing ASOS for three hours.

The University and the Philosophy department were contacted for comment but both were unaware of her case or existence, despite having been at Exeter for two years now, although they did confirm she is currently on course for a solid 2:2.

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