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Bristol UK

Student hires guard dog for advent calendar as protection from drunken self

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

A Cotham based undergraduate has taken the ingenious step of purchasing a trained canine to guard their Christmas advent calendar after their drunk alter-ego has been hell bent on demolishing it in a singular sitting.

Kevin Ogbonna, a 20 year old Geography student, acquired the dairy milk defence doggy after he woke up on the second day of this month to find that a disgusting five chocolates were absent from his festive confectionary schedule.

“I knew I needed something to put a stop to this madness” said the ex-Hiatt Baker man. “I just can’t help myself. One little door open all on its own just looked so out of place to my intoxicated mind.”

He continued “I guess the absolutely-battered-but-still-a-perfectionist in me just kept on going. It’s like when you try and trim your beard just a little bit. You keep thinking it’s uneven, you attempt to make amends, but eventually you just end up just shaving the whole thing off. I think a similar thing happened with the calendar.”

The protective pooch has proved an astute addition to Mr. Ogbonna’s life, with several fierce confrontations already taking place between the Alsatian and his inebriated owner ending in the preservation of the all important yule tide treats.

The second year revealed an enormous gash running from his knee to his upper thigh after he attempted to dislodge the 19th door from its hinges a mere evening ago, commenting:

“It’s a small price to pay for seasonal restraint. Drunk me just doesn’t appreciate that. I guess I’ll just keep getting mauled until I do.”

The Whip would like to kindly remind any students considering similar investments that ‘unhealthy shit you can eat all in one go when you’re drunk ’ is now a certified product section at Sainsbury’s Clifton Triangle.

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