Hundreds of young students will be flocking to South West this week as University of Bristol first year Timothy Small is preparing to host his bi-annual duvet changing ceremony.
The official social media page for the event lists the dress code as ‘black tie’ in order to ‘adequately celebrate the grand occasion’. Sources close to the undergraduate have revealed that a lavish after party is also due to take place, with the set list rumoured to include a monthly washing up ritual performed by a fellow co-habitant.
When the Whip contacted Timothy, he made the following
“Some may see this party as excessive, but something like this just doesn’t happen every day. This is a special occasion, so I needed to make it Facebook official! A new suit, a bit of champagne, good music, what’s the harm? Clean sheets and dirty beats is the combo we’ve all been waiting for!”
For some however, the hygienic hootenanny can’t come soon
enough. Timothy’s flatmates claimed the bed in question has become a ‘bone of
contention’ in their flat, giving off a pungent smell that ‘literally thickens
the air of the entire house’. As a result, the decision to host the party ‘as
quickly as is humanely possible’ was inevitably unanimous.
In recent days, Tim’s parents also became available for
comment. His former cleaner and mother remarked through teary eyes:
“I’ve waited for this moment my whole life. My domestically
inept, hapless offspring is now becoming an independent man. It’s a joy to
Despite the excitement surrounding the momentous occasion,
several of the fresher’s closest pals are apprehensive about the success of the
ceremony. Duvet changing, infamous for being a complex and strenuous endeavour,
means that Timothy may decide that he ‘can’t be arsed” at the last minute,
leaving both his bed and dire personal care skills left unchanged.
Although Timothy’s family remain hopeful that festivities will proceed without a hitch, they are poised and ready to catch a train up to Bristol to offer moral support, and if that fails, to change the duvet for him.
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