A particularly energetic undergraduate has smashed their own personal record for productivity in the Arts and Social Sciences Library this week, after managing to dispatch not one but two fully worded, grammatically correct emails to his tutors in the space of sixty minutes.
In a truly unprecedented fashion, Jane Corvey-Smith, a second-year English student, succeeded in singlehandedly increasing the total work rate of the first floor of the library.
Amongst the hundreds of students trawling through Instagram, playing ‘Huge Fish’ and staring longingly at their library crushes, Ms Corvey-Smith managed, in her own words, to ‘bang out’ both emails in one hour. Drug tests performed after the feat took place surprisingly showed no presence of Modafinil, Ritalin or Source Cafe coffee in the young woman’s system.
When The Whip caught up with Jane, we asked her how she’d managed to complete such a mammoth task:
“I’m always on the grind. That’s why I start my day the same way every morning. I set my alarm for 8am sharp” she explained. “Then, I sleep in for four hours and order an Uber eats. Then, finally, I make it to the library by 4pm. By 4:35 pm, I’m already onto the opening remarks of my second email. I’d tell you how I do it, but it’d probably be wasted breath. I don’t often find individuals with the motivation I have to succeed in this cruel, ruthless world.”
Unfortunately, Jane was unable to continue the interview as she’d ‘already done a lot today’ and would rather just ‘sack it off and do it tomorrow’.