It’s fine if you stop before you’re 30’ says student with lips fastened around car exhaust pipe
A University of Bristol third year student has been slowly convincing himself over the past two years that he will suffer absolutely no physical problems spanning from his addiction to inhaling fumes from the exhausts of motor transport.
Daniel Hanes, 21, was spotted with his mouth firmly placed around the piping of a Citroen Picasso on Hampton Road just last week, only coming up for air to engage in some light hearted conversation about his insatiable appetite for the noxious nozzles.
“I started smoking in first year, if I’m completely honest with you, just like a lot of people” explained the undergraduate. “But I don’t see what the big deal is. Everyone knows you can recoup your years if you stop before you’re in your late twenties. Or is it your early twenties? Either way, I won’t be at it for long.”
Our reporter looked unconvinced, prompting the biology student to continue: “Of course I’m going to cut down. No more trips to the Audi Dealership in Filton for me, and I’m staying well clear of the Chevely services car park. I am the master of my own will. Granted, the ideal place to spend my Friday night is still going to be the hard shoulder of the M5 for obvious reasons, but that doesn’t mean I’m hooked. It’s all still reversible.”
Mr. Hanes had to leave shortly after these remarks on important business. Before bidding farewell he told us he is currently spearheading a grass roots campaign to make nightclub smoking areas more vehicle accessible, and is also organising a ‘smoking awareness’ fundraiser aimed specifically at young people, with the goal of making ‘everyone more aware of their smoking options, from cigarettes to dirt bikes’.
- 1North London fresher’s attempt to start anew ruined as entire sixth form moves to Bristol
- 2Fresher dismayed to find cacti, scratch map and wall hanging not actually substitute for personality
- 3Breaking: Theresa May starts filling out extenuating circumstances form
- 4Oak House students seeking prison sentences in bid for more homely accommodation
- 5Freshers caught frantically burning skinny jeans under cover of darkness