Exeter UK

Student desperately begs whoever is bandersnatching her life to choose revision

‘I just wish I had a choice in this!’

The Whip was yesterday informed of a disturbance caused by a student screaming at the top of her lungs in the middle of the Forum, begging some unknown entity to “please, for the love of God, make me do some work.”

After some initial confusion, friends of Biology student Sara Phillips clarified that her breakdown was probably a result of the six hours she spent watching the new Black Mirror episode, ‘Bandersnatch’, the previous week.

Over the new year, Netflix’s new interactive movie phenomenon took the world of binge-watchers by storm, allowing the audience to select the choices that the main character makes in the episode, resulting in splitting paths and multiple endings. The episode contains some very graphic scenes, such as depictions of suicide, and also some seriously cool ones, like the one of some guys doing acid.

For Sara, though, the episode seemed to resonate almost too strongly, according to her housemate Erica Smith: “I think Sara really felt an affinity with the main character, Stefan, from the get-go: she’s really into video games and hates her dad, just like he does.”

“But she started taking things a little too literally,” Erica continued: “Firstly she just stopped doing any washing up, and when asked to do anything she’d just mutter ‘it’s out of my control’ in a really creepy voice. She even chucked a plate at me with one arm whilst trying to stop herself with the other. The issue’s spread to her studies too it seems.”

Bandersnatch Syndrome is spreading at an alarming rate, according to a recent study, in which lazy, unmotivated morons have begun delegating responsibility for everything they do to a fictional all-powerful being.

Experts have concluded that this is a coping mechanism for them generally being a total mess, and justifying this by refusing to accept responsibility.

There is currently no known cure.

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