Font reopens after installing new escape exit for terrible first dates

Bingo! Crisis and saddening interaction averted!

It was a sad day for students when The Font announced its closure late last year. The affordable cocktail bar had long been the favoured location for Fallowfield’s first dates.

Renowned for its loud music (great for forcing you to sit uncomfortably close), decor (to lazily point out when conversation ran dry) and an ironically religious name, The Font had it all.

Luckily management at the new bar, set to open within a few weeks, plan to pick up where the old faithful left off: targeting singletons.

Aiming to aid those first dates which turn from tiring to somehow profoundly awkward, they have installed an escape route in the back for those who risk dating unconfirmed dicks, oddballs and losers.

Whether your date is talking about things they liked before they were popular, has a predisposition to misread civility as flirtatiousness or an unexplained fascination with themselves, fear not. No longer will you have to scrape the bottom of the barrel for transparent excuses.

No more, “This was fun, but I need to get back back to my revision” from the boy who hasn’t opened a book all year, or “Oh my god, I’m sorry, but my housemate is having a mare this evening, I need to go back and check they’re alright” from the girl who lives alone.

Instead, head upstairs and check behind the poster of Kurt Cobain by the toilets – if it was good enough for Andy Dufresne in Shawshank, it’ll surely be the same here. Bingo! Crisis and saddening interaction averted!

Just remember to bring your swimming gear – the ¼ mile crawl brings you out on the banks of Platt Field’s pond.

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