Student evicted for subletting after mouldy pan spawns living, breathing organism

‘It began with an Ottolenghi dish.’

A third year student has been evicted from their shared nine bed house, after a tenth life form was inadvertently created, breaching the terms of contract.

Joe Foster was found guilty of subletting, after a mouldy growth which had been festering in a saucepan was left for such an extensive period of time that it became scientifically classified as an organism – and therefore a tenant – in its own right.

Speaking to The Whip, Foster appeared baffled by the situation. “It really has come as a surprise to me,” he explained.

“It began with an Ottolenghi dish. All I had intended on creating was Chipotle-roasted chicken with a plum and tarragon salad. Now my tenancy has been terminated. If I’d had any idea that the marinating process would lead to my eviction, I might not have bothered.”

It appears that after Foster had served up the rich and fruity chicken feast, all the passion and drive he had had during the preparation quickly evaporated. Foster took Ottelenghi’s advice to ‘leave the marinade overnight’ to an extreme by allowing the pan containing the remnants of the sauce to mature for a further ninety-seven days.

What began as a small amount of mould soon grew into a monstrous creature, morphing beyond recognition. When the pan could no longer contain the beast, the rapidly expanding monstrosity began to colonise the entire kitchen, destroying countless other mouldy (if uninhabited) pans in the process.

Foster is currently in the process of looking for a new house to move into. He is yet to find anyone wiling to live with him or his new disgusting partner in crime.

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