Examinee spotted gazing wistfully at Ucard picture of optimistic, happier and more organised younger self

It’s been a long month.

A third year student was spotted gazing wistfully at a younger, more organised and all round better version of themselves today whilst completing their final January exam.

Jemima Bentley, 21, was reportedly forced into a state of existential reminiscence smack bang in the middle of life defining assessments. The undergraduate is thought to be one of thousands of victims of what Amnesty International this month have called a ‘cruel and unjust’ ‘Ucards on exam desks’ policy.

Our undercover reporter caught up with her mid exam:

‘It’s been a very nostalgic three and a half hours’ whispered Jemima. “I can’t say it’s been amazing for my self esteem. A picture of me from when I was gunning for three A*s in sixth form and spent ten hours a day studying isn’t really something you want to look at when you’ve only revised 10% of a course and it might not even come up.”

She continued “I look so happy, so care free. A blissful existence that I’ll never, ever be able to recreate. I used to highlight sections of textbooks with specific shades and file them in a folder with a colour key. Nowadays, I barely own a pen. In fact, I had to borrow one for this exam.”

Unfortunately our reporter’s position was then compromised, and Jemima was removed from the exam on suspicion of cheating. Her Ucard was confiscated by an invigilator.

“I don’t think they’ve got anything on me” explained Mrs. Bentley. “the only identification they have is my Ucard. And as you already know, I’m a completely different person now. irreversibly different. They can’t pin me with that, it’s not the same gal!”

“I may have physically, emotionally and mentally regressed since the picture was taken, but clearly that’s not always a hinderance.”



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