‘I’ll just do a masters,’ says third year who will have no money, friends or good times next year

Ignorance is bliss.

Thousands of third years nationwide have shed tears of relief after deciding to “take the easy way out” next year by completing a master’s degree course.

For many final years, the prospect of eye-wateringly crippling debt came as music to their ears. Many reported feeling ‘safe’ in the knowledge they’ll be able to put off major life decisions like finding a job or a place to live for another 365 days.

Adam Brown, a third year liberal arts student who has literally no fucking clue what he wants to do with his life, knows that a masters is an “effortless” and “trouble-free way” of postponing the inevitable for one more solar cycle.

Seemingly unconcerned that every single one of his friends is growing up and moving on, Brown is confident in his ‘significant’ decision to, well, not make any significant decisions. “My friends are all fools,” he told our reporter last Tuesday, “whilst they’re all desperately searching for jobs, I get to sit back, relax, and spend 12 hours a day revising for exams.”

He went on to say “it’s totally fine that none of my friends are going to be at university with me because my ridiculous revision schedule means that I won’t have time to leave my room to go to the toilet let alone see another human face,” before locking himself in his room to begin revision.

Interestingly, a university report released this week has found an upsurge in the number of masters students deciding that a Ph.D. is far less troublesome then getting a job. The offer of less money, less fun, less friends appears just too tempting for some.




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